The French Press Situation

I have been frustrated by life lately.  It’s a long story, but I am walking through life transitions, while also journeying into some pain from my past.  This last weekend was particularly hard for me.  I felt angry, and sad, and lonely, and unseen (Just what you want to accompany your holiday weekend).

 

And then today I broke my French press.  I know, big deal, right?  Wrong.  It was a big deal. 

A.  I had only purchased the press a month or two ago and it was pricier than I had anticipated. 

B.  Money has been tight and the thought of having to buy another press so soon was frustrating. 

C.  I had to clean up all that glass.  Blarg!

D.  What about my coffee tomorrow morning?!? 

It felt like the cherry on top of an already disappointing few days. 

After finishing cleaning up (and let’s be honest, shouting in frustration), I sat down and re-read an email I received today.  In it, the person mentioned a blog I should check out.  I clicked on the link and was introduced to the story of a family that has gone through deep suffering in the last 5 years.  As I finished exploring their website I realized how trivial my French press situation was.  I didn’t feel guilted on by God, but rather I was given the gift of perspective. 

I was reminded that my breaking this French press did not mean that God didn’t love me.  I know that sounds silly, but for a moment there, I kind of believed that he didn’t.  It felt like another piece of evidence in my trial against God, who just wants to mess with my life.  Exhibit A, disappointing Memorial Day weekend.  Exhibit B, the dreaded French press!  

Now, there are sturdy parts in me that know that this is not true of God.  He’s not off on the sidelines of my life cracking up when I break a French press.  But there are times when I’m confronted by other parts of my heart that have a hard time believing that God is really all that loving.  There were times in my life when I felt lonely.  Those significant memories have stuck with me and they war against the truth of who God is.  I find God winning more and more, but the lonely parts of my heart have a difficult time trusting that God really does care.   

I know that the French press situation was not really about the French press itself.  It speaks to a deeper place of sadness and frustration within me.  I know that when I find myself in those places, that it is hard for me to grasp onto God’s character.  And yet somewhere hidden in that beautiful mess, I know that he loves me, even there.    

Is Papyrus the Worst Font Ever?

Once on Facebook someone posted a link entitled “Is Nickleback the Worst Band Ever?”  Click here to see the answer. 

I feel similarly about Papyrus font.  And apparently I’m not alone.  I typed the title above into Google and was flooded with site after site addressing the travesty that is Papyrus font. 

First, some of you may be wondering what Papyrus font even looks like.  I won’t degrade my blog by actually posting it, but I will give you a link.  Or you can open up a Word doc and select that font. 

Now, the important question, why do I hate Papyrus?  I don’t remember the exact time or date that I came to loath this font, but somehow it happened.  I think that it first started with Papyrus fatigue.  Sometime in the late 90’s/early 00’s, Papyrus started to show up everywhere.  The most common overuse of the font (in my eyes) started when the Church become a papyrus-lover.  New church logo?  Papyrus.  Series on the Ancient Israel?  Papyrus.  Spa day for women?  Papyrus.  It also began to appear on store fronts, day spas, and menus.  It was such an obvious font and whenever I saw it the font would loudly scream “Papyrussssssss!!!!!” 

However, I think my hatred of Papyrus may have been solidified when I watched the documentary “Helvetica.”  The film follows the history of the often used font (you may know it as Arial) and how it has come in and out of fashion.  Basically, through the lens of this font, the film chronicled the history of graphic design over the past 50 years.  It may sound boring or obscure, but do yourself a favor and watch this documentary.  I learned what a serif was and now like to pretend that I am knowledgeable about design.  I’ll occasionally drop it into a conversation: I really do prefer fonts with serifs.  (Side note, my preferred font with serifs is Garamond)

I gained respect for the craft of typography and Papyrus just couldn’t live up to the nuanced history of Helvetica and other fonts.  One day at my old job, a few of us discovered that we all hated Papyrus.   We laughed at its tackiness and utter failure to convey historicity.  It’s the USA Today in a world of superior newspapers.  It was comforting to know that I was not the only one who was nauseated by Papyrus font. 

I work for a retreat ministry and my goal is to stay Papyrus-free.  Join me in this pledge to keep your businesses and ministries Papyrus-free.  Unless you dig that font.  And now it’s awkward… 

So, to answer the question above, Is Papyrus the Worst Font Ever?  Yes (according to me, and some other people).

Summer Wedding Series: Your Day Will Come Soon and Other Unhelpful Comments

So, you’ve adjusted your expectations and now you are contemplating the reality of actually attending a wedding.  Of course, the first fear that is popping into your head is: Great, now I get to hear comment on my singleness by all sorts of people.

A couple of years ago I was invited to the wedding of a kid I used to babysit.  I’ve found that these are the worst weddings* to attend, especially if there is a considerable gap in your ages.  It’s not as depressing when you were 12 and the child was 9, but it’s a different story when you were 12 and the kid was 4.  I RSVP’ed my yes, but as the wedding approached I found myself wanting to ditch.  I mentioned this to my parents, who were also attending, and they encouraged me to go.  I decided to attend, but before leaving I was griping to my parents again and said how I was dreading the questions and comments of others.  They both looked at me inquisitively.  I explained that people would make awkward comments on my singleness, asking “When are you going to get married?”  They both laughed and said, “No one will ask you that.”  I shrugged my shoulders and off we went.

Fast forward 30-40 minutes.  We’re waiting to sign the guest book and bump into a family friend.  We all make small talk, but within 2-3 minutes the dreaded question makes its appearance:

So, when are you going to settle down?

I almost laughed out loud.  I quickly looked at my parents, raising my eyebrows, essentially communicating “I told you so,” before laughing a bit and giving a rehearsed answer. 

I laugh, but really, part of my wants to cry in those moments.

In moments when I feel really insecure about my singleness, weddings seem to rub it in my face, taunting me with its beautiful flowers, buffet lines, and lately, cute flag banners.  Darn you cute DIY weddings!  Note: one should never visit the site Green Wedding Shoes when feeling this way.  Or go on Pinterest. 

Actually, going to a wedding as a single person (and especially as a single person who’s getting older) is sort of like a battle field.  There are land mines all over and one best step carefully.  There are a variety of comments being launched at the single person and it’s easy to be taken down by one of these missiles.  The other day I posted on Facebook asking for people to send in the best comments they’ve received at a wedding.  Thanks to all who contributed!  Here are some of my personal favorites:

Your time will come soon

Why is a pretty girl like you not married?

So...met anyone special lately?'

So when are we going to see you up there?

Now don't put it off too long!

Get over there (*push), you have to catch that bouquet!

Have you tried online dating?

Let me introduce you to that nice girl over there....

You're next, right?

Oh you're not married? I thought you tied the knot a long time ago......cricket

Don't worry, God has someone for you... He's just not ready yet.

You are such a sweet and supportive sister... I'm sure it isn't easy for you.

So, are you seeing anyone?

I know as I read this list, many of these comments felt familiar and I’m sure you’ve heard some in your journey of singleness. 

Really though, when entering the mine field of weddings I think the best defense is to expect the questions, have some good short answers prepared, and to respond with a diverting question.  Of course, if you wanted to freak someone out, you could just burst into tears and start pouring out your heart.  In my book, that’s akin to heaping hot coals on another’s head. 

Here are some practice answers based on some of the comments above:

So when are we going to see you up there?

What I want to answer: When the men I meet start manning up and getting over their Peter Pan syndrome.

What I will answer: (Shrug) I don’t know.  But wasn’t it just a lovely ceremony today?

Don't worry, God has someone for you... He's just not ready yet.

What I want to answer: Really, do you know that for sure?  Did God give you a personal message that I am going to get married?  Or are you just uncomfortable with my singleness? 

What I will answer: (Smile) Thanks.  So, how are you doing?

Have you tried online dating?

What I want to answer: What’s that?  Online dating? Why no one has ever mentioned that possibility to me.  What, your second cousin’s best friend’s pet sitter found her husband on there?  Sign me up.

What I will answer: I actually have.  Have you tried the cheese board yet?  The Toscano is delightful (Cheese – the ultimate tension diffuser).

Also, be prepared with an exit strategy.  No matter how much you try to deflect the comments, some people are determined to drill into the single person’s psyche.  The best response is to remove yourself from the situation.  Having to refill your drink or use the restroom is always a good plausible exit.

Finally, remember that while these comments can feel prying or insensitive, they do usually come with good intentions.  And for those who are married and perhaps inclined towards these statements, think twice before speaking.  Every time you do, a single person quietly thanks you.    

So, what are some of the best comments and questions you’ve heard at a wedding?  Give your response through the comment section below.

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*This not the worst wedding to attend.  I saw an episode of The Mindy Project where she attended her ex’s wedding to the woman she was dumped for.  But who goes to or is even invited to these weddings.  That would be the worst.  Followed closely by attending a wedding where a recent ex is present.  So, maybe going to the wedding of a kid you babysat for is the third worst.  I think.  

Graduation

Today, a few of my friends will graduate with their Master’s degrees from the seminary I attended.  While I am not able to attend, with the help of modern technology I am able to watch it live on my computer.  It is strange to think that 3 years ago I myself was graduating.  It seems as though it happened eons ago.  I am so proud of my dear friends who will be donning their caps, gowns and hoods tonight. For some, it is a brief pause before diving into even more academic work.  For others, it may mean entering into the unknown.  Regardless, I hope and pray that they will have space to celebrate and rest. 

Here are the things I wish I would have known when finishing college, both undergrad and grad:

Graduating is Hard

Yes, there are celebrations, parties, the cessation of homework, but the rhythm of college life is very different from the rhythm of a working life.  I missed the flexibility my schedule held in college.  I enjoyed both of my college experiences and transitioning on was incredibly difficult for me.  When I graduated with my BA, I remember wondering why no one told me how hard it was.  I didn’t realize how much I needed to grieve the completion of this stage of life. 

Everyone Will Ask you What You Are Doing Next

This question is especially daunting when you have no idea what you’re doing next, which let’s be honest, most of us have no idea.  I was so tired of that question, so had a set answer ready to go: I’m going to enjoy the break and start job hunting.  Beyond that, I had no idea.  It is even more challenging when you have an obscure degree, like my Master’s in Spiritual Formation and Soul Care.  Don’t get me wrong.  I loved my program, but I get why people get that confused look on their face when I mention it.  I’m surprised I never heard the response, “So, when will you start applying to be a janitor?” 

A Degree Does Not Guarantee a Job

I realized soon after finishing my undergrad degree that a degree does not equal a job.  The working world is a strange place.  You can’t get hired without a degree, but the degree by itself is not enough.  One also needs experience, but you can’t get experience without a job (or an internship).  This seemingly endless circle drove me crazy. 

You Are Not Alone

There were many times that I felt alone as I transitioned out of undergrad and grad school.  I kept thinking I should be happy for my accomplishments and get over my sadness.  However, I think many are having similar thoughts and struggles as they finish school.  So, risk and open up to a friend.  They just might be feeling the same.  And of course, there is always God, who promises to never leave nor forsake us.  That can be incredibly hard to believe when our world seems turned upside down.  It is in those times when we desperately need a reminder of God’s presence with us. For those graduating, may you be reminded, whether through scripture, song, friends, etc., that he is right by you.  

Despite the challenges that may come with graduation, take time to catch your breath and enjoy the moment.  Congratulations to the class of 2013!

Summer Movies

I love movies.  I grew up in a household that highly values film.  For about as long as I can remember, my family waited anxiously for The Academy Awards.  Forget the Superbowl, we had an Oscar pool, where the competition was fierce as we fought for the ultimate prize of the winner’s choice of restaurant for a future dinner.  In fall and winter I am especially excited as all the good Oscar contender films are released.  Back in the day, I used to be equally excited for the summer movie season.  However, disappointment after disappointment has taught me to be cautious and to realize that I typically desire more from my films.  This summer is no different.  Yet, there are some films I am looking forward to seeing, whether at the big theater, the dollar theater, or from Redbox.

So, in no particular order, here goes:

Iron Man 3 – Like many, I thoroughly enjoyed the first Iron Man.  Robert Downey Jr. seems born to play this hot head super hero and the movie had an engaging story.  Not Oscar worthy, but definitely an enjoyable experience.  Sadly, the second installment of this film could not live up to the hype.  Even Downey Jr. couldn’t help this exhausting film.  I am, however, looking forward to seeing the third Iron Man.  I’m not expecting it to surpass the first film, but I have read some favorable reviews. 

Before Midnight – I was a late comer to this series, only watching it for the first time a few years ago.  That being said, I’m not jumping out of my seat in excitement for this one, but am interested.  I appreciate the honest dialogue and am curious to see where these characters have ended up. 

Frances Ha – I first saw Greta Gertwig in last spring’s “Damsels in Distress.”  Ever since then, I’ve been fascinated with this actress.  This film is described as following a young woman who is a dancer, but not really a dancer, struggling to make her life work.  Bonus street cred for it being filmed in black and white. 

Fast and Furious 6 – Just kidding!

The Way, Way Back – I stumbled across this film recently.  It’s co-directed by the wonderful Jim Rash (the hilarious dean in “Community”, Oscar winning writer from “The Descendants”, and Angelina Jolie leg impersonator) and has a spectacular cast.  From watching the preview, it has a similar vibe to “Little Miss Sunshine” – a comedy that doesn’t shy away from the heart breaking moments found in real life. 

Blue Jasmine – Woody Allen has another film coming out.  While his films tend to be hit or miss, I still enjoy the director’s work.  This one will be at the very least a Redbox rental. 

Stories We Tell – I can’t remember how I first heard about this documentary, directed by Sarah Polley, but it sounds like an interesting exploration of family and story.  Polley interviews her own family as she tries to discover the truth in her family history. 

Mud – To be honest, I don’t know much about this film, but in the last week I’ve had two people mention it to me.  While Matthew McConaughey is not my favorite actor, as of late he has seemed to be picking more interesting films (at the very least, films that don’t revolve around him taking off his shirt). 

The World’s End – Being a big fan of “Shaun of the Dead” and “Hot Fuzz”, I can’t help but get excited for the next Edgar Wright offering with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost.  The basic plot involves a group of men who reconvene after years apart to attempt a pub crawl they had participated in while younger.  Of course, in true Wright fashion, the town is not all it seems.  Besides Pegg and Frost, Wright has brought together an amazing cast, including Martin Freeman, Paddy Considine, and Eddie Marsan. 

Man of Steel – I never was a huge Superman fan, but it does seem as though this film is taking a hint from Chris Nolan’s revamp of Batman (Nolan is a producer of the film).   Should be interesting. 

Now You See Me – To be honest, I have mixed thoughts on this film.  Every time I see the preview I think: This could either be really fun or really awful.  It looks like a great cast, but sadly, a great cast does not equal and great film.  I’ll definitely be waiting to read reviews on this one before I head to the theater. 

Much Ado About Nothing – I am full out excited for this movie!  I hope, hope, hope it doesn’t disappoint.  Much Ado is my favorite a) Shakespeare play, and b) play period.  I read the play about once a year and even got to see it performed by the Royal Shakespeare Company in Stratford-upon-Avon.  My secret dream is to play Beatrice one day.  Wouldn’t that be glorious?  I digress. 

I was intrigued when I heard that Joss Whedon was directing this film.  Perhaps a little confused even.  Whedon is great, but his film and TV work take place in the sci-fi adventure arena.  I wondered what he would do with this classic Shakespearean comedy.  So far, all I’ve been reading is positive and the trailer peaks my interest.  And it comes out just in time for my birthday.  Please don’t be awful!

Finally, it’s not a movie, but we’re less than a week out from the new season of Arrested Development.  Eeek!  Pull out your cut-offs and start preparing your chicken impersonation. 

Still never fails to crack me up. 

Note: So far I’ve seen The Great Gatsby (better than I thought although quite vomited on with glitter) and Star Trek (fun, but nothing spectacular).  

Summer Wedding Series: Adjusting your Expectations

Today I’m starting a series on how to prepare for wedding season.  Not as a bride, groom or family member, but as a single person.  Weddings can be tricky and confusing for those who are single and these are a few tips I discovered along the way.  For the next few Mondays I will post on different topics related to weddings (avoiding questions about singlehood, the bouquet toss, etc). 

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Lately I’ve noticed that I enter into weddings either incredibly optimistic about meeting someone or despairing about being single at another wedding.  There are the weddings that I just look forward to – the ones where I know lots of people and know that there will be a great DJ (my one weakness at weddings: dancing).  When I’m despairing, I end up pretty defensive.  If you want to see defensiveness as an art form, witness me in all my glory at a wedding I don’t want to be at.  I’m silent, force fake smiles and leave the moment I can.  Now I tend to avoid those weddings and just send a gift. 

I’ve found that being overly optimistic hasn’t worked out great either.  I was at a wedding a couple of years ago, with high hopes of meeting some new guys.  As part of the wedding there was a dance lesson.  So, I stood on the women’s side, keeping my eyes open for who would be my partner.  I kept looking around until I finally looked down and saw the six year old across from me.  I laughed externally, but internally I said, “Yes, this is how my life always goes.”  And in that moment, I felt such despair.  I ran through the lines that accompany many/most of us when we lose hope over meeting someone:

This is my lot in life: the token single woman.

Why does this always happen to me?

I’ll never get married.

The despair remained with me into the next day.  In those moments I feel stuck.  Stuck in an intersection of emotions that all cross at my heart.  Anger.  Fear.  Loneliness.  Deep sadness.  Eventually I open up and talk to God about my heart. 

This all or nothing thinking has made appearances in most areas of my life.  In can be an emotionally turbulent place to be, overly high expectations crashing down to despair.  Neither place is good for me.  Neither place is realistic.  When I was in seminary, the profs in my department would talk about being open.  This terminology was used all the time:

Open to God.

Open to what’s going on in your heart.

Remain open to what might happen.

The term “open” has been such a grounding concept for me. Being open means allowing things to play out instead of trying to control the results.  It means trusting God and that he knows what he is doing.  It means finding my hope in him, and not in the hope of getting married.

I still find myself horribly in process when it comes to remaining open.  Some days, it feels easy to trust God.  Other days, it is the last thing I want to do.  Especially when it comes to weddings, an event that lately has seemed to bring up all my insecurities.   I relate to Katherine Hepburn’s brutally honest line in “The Philadelphia Story”:

Oh, I'm such an unholy mess of a girl.

So, from this unholy mess of a girl.  This is my truth.  For now.

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As you approach this wedding season, take a moment to consider with God:

What does it look like for me to be open at this wedding?  How do I keep you as my hope, and not some unrealistic expectation?

The Myth of “When you stop looking…”

If I were a betting women*, I would guess that one of the most commonly heard phrases by a single person is “When you stop looking, the one will suddenly appear” or some variation of this comment.  There was a time when that was a comforting sentiment, but now it just frustrates me.  And actually, I’ve come to believe that, while it may come with good intentions, it can be one of the most damaging statements for a single person to hear.

What about the other times I “wasn’t looking”?

This question was the first hint to me that the “stop looking” recommendation had its issues.  I didn’t go into college with strong hopes of meeting someone.  I wasn’t opposed to it, but my main motivation was to do something meaningful with my life.  Even after graduating, I felt fine being single.  It really wasn’t till I hit my mid-twenties, that I started to experience sadness over my singleness.  Again though, this wasn’t a constant sadness and I enjoyed the freedom I had to move to England for a year.  It really wasn’t till my late twenties that my singleness became concerning for me.  It was then that I really was faced with my deeper beliefs about myself and God. 

I share this, because, for all the times I wasn’t looking, I didn’t meet my future husband.  So, does that mean, I really wasn’t looking?  Underlying this statement is an assumption that one has been crazily searching for their mate every waking moment of the day.  Yet, I cannot think of one single person I have known who has fit this description. 

What are you called to in this season of life?

The last few years I have been learning about callings.  Sometimes we see callings as being lifelong, when actually they are often seasonal.  I am a student for a season, but not for all of my life.  The statement of “stop looking” completely ignores the question of what the individual is called to in that moment.  It presupposes that every person is to be married.  Right now.  While many will end up married, there are still those who remain single for life.  I know we try to ignore that reality by saying “they wouldn’t have the desire to if they were called to marriage.”  Unfortunately, I’ve met more than one person for whom that has not been true.  They wanted marriage, but eventually came to the conclusion that God didn’t have that for them and reconciled that with him.  No matter how much I want to be married, this does not necessarily mean that this is what God has for me today or even the rest of my life.  The deeper question may be, can I trust that the Lord knows what he is doing in this time in my life? 

Who is in control?

Yet, the most concerning aspect of the “stop looking” statement is that it seeks to put the ultimate control in our hands.  “I determine my future.”  “If I do this formula, then I will get these desired results.”  We need only read the book of Job to see that this is not the way life works.  Job was a godly man.  He lived life wisely.  Yet, that did not prevent him from experiencing deep loss and devastation.  I cannot trick God into bringing along the person I am to marry.  Doing the “right thing” will not guarantee that I get my way. 

I hate earthquakes.  Absolutely.  Completely.  They terrify me.  When I was little I experienced a few larger earthquakes.  Somehow, I came to the conclusion that earthquakes only happened when I didn’t think about them.  So, for night after night as I was getting ready for bed, I would think about earthquakes.  I believed that the thought would keep me safe and Southern California earthquake free.  I can look back on that today and laugh.  It seems pretty ridiculous to older me.  I can’t help but wonder if we take a similar posture when we tell the myth of “stop looking”.  It sounds normal enough, but when we step back and look deeper at what this statement implies, it actually is a bit crazy and ridiculous.  I am not denying that there are wise ways that we can present ourselves as singles, but it is not these actions that ultimately determine whether or not we get married. 

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I wish life was that easy – to plug behaviors into the equation, yielding the same desired results each time.  The formula can be so alluring (and at times, it can seem as though it works), but it is also devoid of relationship.  If I determine my future, then why do I need another person?  Why do I need God?  If life has taught me anything, it is that I am not ultimately in control.  And that is good. And scary.  I don’t have a prescribed alternative statement to replace “stop looking.”  As I type this I realize there is not one prescribed statement that we should offer to the singles in our lives.  Rather, the relational move is to listen and be with singles as they continue on in their journey. 

*I am not a betting woman.  First, my job prohibits gambling, but even if I could gamble I would not.  Gambling makes no sense to me.  This is what runs through my head when I think about making a bet: So, I give my money to you and there’s a 99.9% chance I’ll lose it?  And that’s fun?  I think I’d rather hold onto my cash.  Or burn it.  Both sound more fun than gambling.  No judgment on those who gamble, it just doesn’t make sense to me.  I’m not a risk taker.  Gambling is tantamount to bungee jumping, which sounds like the worst thing ever.  More than you probably wanted or needed to know.  Hence the asterisk.  

On Syria

“I hope you know that we are not all terrorists,” she said, staring me straight in the face.  I cannot remember my response back, but her statement changed me.

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Today I had plans to write about Summer movies.  I even had a great quote prepared for “The Great Gatsby” (I left feeling projectile vomited on with glitter – and yet somehow enjoyed the movie more than I expected).  But on my way to work this morning I was listening to the news and was reminded of the fighting in Syria.  I couldn’t help but think back to my time in that country, almost seven years ago.

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Back in 2006 I visited Syria and Lebanon.  I suppose it was a “mission’s trip”, but it was unlike any trip I had been on.  We came with very simple goals: to pray for the land, the people, and to love them.  It was the culmination of a year spent working with a church in England.  I still remember telling my mom that our end of the year trip would involve going to the Middle East.  This is not what any parent wants to hear when your home country is fighting in multiple wars in the Middle East.  I give my mom a lot of credit.  She remained calm on the phone.  I can only imagine the conversation with my dad following that call.  Here they sent their daughter off for a year in England.  Safe, tea drinking England.  She even said to me before I left, “At least you’re not going to the Middle East.”  Oops. 

I want to let you in on a secret.  Syria is amazing.  It is one of the few places I’ve traveled to that doesn’t feel touched by the West.  I’m sure there are other places in the world that have held onto their culture, but with the growing accessibility of technology and communication, the world seems to become increasingly homogenous.  It was refreshing to be in a country that had zero McDonalds.  I’m not exaggerating.  McDonalds does not exist in Syria (or at least it didn’t 7 years ago).  The shops would close in the heat of the day and everyone would go home to rest.  I remember sitting in a courtyard with a fountain, covered overhead by layer after layer of leafy ivy vines.  As I walked the streets, twisted down the various alleys of the markets, I had a glimpse of a place that echoed its past.  It was like visiting another era in another world. 

 

One day we were at the local university.  It had been a strange day for the team.  We were taken to university officials when we entered the campus (note: all of the university campuses we visited had guards at the entrances).  We sat nervously in an administrative building.  At one point, our bags were searched.  I was especially anxious as my back pack contained all of the Arabic New Testaments (getting caught with Bibles in Syria didn’t mean a trip to prison, but it was a possibility that we could get kicked out of the country).  We tried to play it cool, but I held my breath and quietly prayed as my bag was searched.  The guard didn’t stop at my contents.   Exhale.  We were moved to another room and waited more.  Eventually we spoke with a university official.  He showed us around the campus and introduced us to a few English speaking students.  We spoke briefly as the official politely ushered us off the campus.  As we were about to get on the bus, the young women began to ask me about my thoughts on George W. Bush and the war.  Then, she looked at me and said those words that stopped me:  I hope you know that we are not all terrorists.

Those words stopped me because I realized in the moment that some parts of me believed that most of the people there were terrorists.  My assumptions and prejudices slapped me in the face.  I came to love the Syrian people, but these beliefs revealed parts of my heart that shocked me. 

As the trip went on, these beliefs were constantly challenged.  I was overwhelmed by the hospitality I received from strangers repeatedly.  I was invited into house after house for tea and refreshments.   It felt so surprising, especially since this is not a cultural value in the U.S.  When’s the last time a stranger invited you into their house?  At a certain point, I had this desire to shout, to proclaim to the world: These people, whom you have called terrorists, you’ve missed them completely.  They are kind, they are welcoming.  They are normal people just trying to live their lives.  Why doesn’t this make the six o’clock news?  Why is the only view we see of the Syrians tied into war or violence?  With a gun or a bomb strapped to their chest? 

I had missed them. 

My eyes were opened. 

My time in Syria was the final exam in a year of having my cultural beliefs challenged.  It was a humbling season, but I am continually grateful for the ways that experience helped me to begin to see outside of myself and my home culture. 

That year didn’t eradicate my tendencies to make snap judgments or generalizations.  I still make them.  I still cling to assumptions that are just plain wrong.  I think I am able to see them more for what they are though.  And sometimes I’m able to pause and ask questions, instead of pretending I have the answers. 

………………….

People are usually surprised when they hear I’ve visited Syria.  They cautiously ask what it was like.  I know what they’re really asking.  Was it scary?  Was it awful?  Why on earth would you go there?  To be honest, I had a couple of scary moments, but what shouts the loudest was my experience of the kindness of the people I met.  I’ve been saddened as I’ve followed the reports out of Syria.  My heart breaks for the Syrian people.  This is not the first war they’ve known, nor most likely will this be the last.  There are deep reasons for the wars and violence there.  I don’t know what needs to change there, but I so badly hope that something shifts. 

As I listened to the radio this morning I knew I needed to share my little story.  I struggle to name my hope for those reading this post.  Awareness is good.  But deeper than that is a desire that you would see beyond the generalizations.  And pray.  

To the Women I know

I posted this on Facebook today: My heart is with the women for whom today is painful and isolating. Be gentle with those in your life who may feel missed on Mother's Day.

Earlier this week I read a couple of blog posts about Mother’s Day.  Both women expressed how disappointing the day can be and their sorrow for those who experience the day as painful and lonely.  Those words have remained with me this weekend and I cannot shake this sadness as I consider the various paths of the women I know.  Today my heart grieved for those who are missed as we bless biological and adoptive mothers.  (Note: I absolutely believe we should bless mothers, but I wonder if there are more sensitive ways that we can approach this and celebrate women in general)

These are my words to the women I know today, especially those who ache today:

Women are co-image bearers of God.  We reflect part of him that men do not, just as men reflect God in ways that women do not.  I celebrate in you that reality of image bearer today.  It is worth recognizing and blessing.  

                                                         -------------------------------------------

Some of you lost your mothers at a young age and today only reminds you of the lost time.    

Others had a mom who parented with abuse, lies or hatred.  For you, mother might feel like a curse word.

You might experience disappointment in motherhood and doubt whether you have the strength to go on.

Some cry and mourn today for their lack of children and the hopes wrapped up in this expectation.  Whether through barrenness, age, singleness, the desire for motherhood seems to scream today.

Perhaps your mother was ill and unable to be fully present.  Maybe you had to step in to care for her and the term today just causes confusion. 

You lost a child and the loss echoes that much deeper today. 

                                                         -------------------------------------------

Whatever your journey has been as a woman, daughter or mother, I stand with you and thank my Lord for the privilege of knowing you.  I am honored to call you sister, mother, friend.  Your identity is bigger than the titles others may place on you. 

I mourn with you who mourn today. 

I rejoice with you who rejoice. 

May the Lord bless you on this day, beautiful image bearer of God.

       

Through the Fire

A few years ago I saw a concert at the Hollywood Bowl.  There were a few performers (including Adele way before she got super famous and sung James Bond theme songs) and one of them was Chaka Khan.  To be honest, I didn’t go to hear her and only knew one of her songs.  You know, the one where the guy keeps saying her name (Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan).  However, I really enjoyed her as a performer and at one point she spoke about her faith in God.  She mentioned a time in her life when she “walked through the fire”.  Then, she asked us, the audience, who was walking through the fire at that moment.  People raised their hands.  Chaka Khan went on to say how it was in that time of walking through the fire that she came to know God.  That phrase came back to me this morning.  Because, in my own way, I have been walking through the fire.

Now, this isn’t the only phrase I’ve heard used to describe this experience.  I’ve heard it called a trial, attack, desert or wilderness times.  Desolation.  Sanctification.  Purification.  I’ve heard it described fondly, with despair, or with the usage of multiple cuss words.  Essentially, we’re talking about the circumstances, the movements of the heart, the tensions, that bring about our growth in relationship with God.   

I remember growing up and how much I was inspired by a good testimony.  My parents both have crazy stories of how they came to God.  My story was much more calm and unexciting.  I was really young and told my mom I wanted to ask Jesus into my heart.  Growing up in the Evangelical church a story like that can be disappointing.  We want our insane come to Jesus stories, with extra drugs, sex and rock n roll on the side.  What I’ve found though, is that my story got much more interesting once Jesus entered the picture (or rather I acknowledged he was in the picture).  My life didn’t get perfect with Jesus.  And if I think back over the last 15 years in particular, my life has been much more challenging, tumultuous and complex.  There have been good times, but there have been seasons of walking through the fire.

When I was in my twenties, I eventually came to suspect that Jesus wanted access to the real me.  He wanted to be with me in my “broken places”.  It was scary, but also exciting.  I was met in significant ways by him.  Enough so that I learned to trust him a bit more with these tender places of my heart.  Today, going into these places in my heart has lost its sheen.  I still want to go there, to walk the way of honesty, but I’m weary from the journey.  Each time back into the fire, it gets deeper, more painful, and that much more costly. 

Today I walk in a season of unknowing.  I have a lot of questions about my callings in work and relationships.  I don’t have a lot of answers, but that just makes me want them that much more.  Some days I just want to run away from the fire.  Other days, I feel more peace in it. 

The verse that keeps coming back to me during this time is Peter’s words to Jesus, “Lord, to Whom shall we go?  You have the words of Eternal life.” (John 6:68)  This journey doesn’t have the excitement of something new and unknown right now, but it does have the promise of God.  There’s no one else I could or would go to.  I don’t know much else, but I do know that.  And today, as I continue on in the fire, this is what grounds and secures me.

My New Favorite British Television Program

I should begin this post by thanking my friend Amy, as she is the one who introduced me to this brilliant TV program (I used the term “brilliant” since that is a very British type of word and the show is British…see what I did there).  Amy is a great resource for me in the film and TV department.  She has similar tastes to me, so I can trust what she recommends.  Anyways, about a month ago Amy messaged me on Facebook, asking if I was watching “Call the Midwife.”  It sounded vaguely familiar, but I had not seen it yet.  She briefly told me I had to watch and that the second season was about to start.  So, on my next free afternoon, I sat down and was treated to the best that British TV has to offer.

A few years ago I was introduced to another British TV show, the now famous/infamous “Downton Abbey.”  I was an early convert to the show, watching the entire series in one day (in all fairness, Netflix listed it as a mini-series and not as a TV show).  However, as time has gone on, I’ve become increasingly frustrated with this program as more sensational story lines have crept in.  The final straw was the season 3 closer.  I think that was it for many viewers.  So, lately there has been a Downton shaped hole in my heart.  However, I’ve found that “Call the Midwife” doesn’t just replace Downton, it actually knocks it off the pedestal.  I am continually impressed with the stories, the acting and the lack of a soap opera feel. 

For those of you unfamiliar with the program, let me fill you in.  The show begins with Jenny Lee, a young nurse who has recently trained to become a midwife.  She is transferred to London’s East End, a poorer neighborhood where the babies are a flowing.  Her privileged upbringing is immediately challenged by the poverty of this community.  Yet, she grows and is able to see these women as women, and not for their poverty.  She works at a convent, where a mixture of Sisters and young nurses tend to the women in this community.  Some of the shows end with the Sisters praying beautiful sung prayers.  It takes place in post-World War II London, which I find such an interesting chapter in England, with the rebuilding and modernizing.  But there was one occurrence that made me just love this show.

In the second episode a new midwife joins the house.  Her nickname is Chummy and she is awkward, a bit of a mess, and can’t even ride a bike (the main form of transportation for the midwives).  My first impression of her was pity with an expectation that she would not be able to make it as a midwife.  “She’ll be gone by the end of the episode,” I thought.  However, I was pleasantly surprised to see her stay and become a beloved regular.  And this is the main difference between British and American television.  In American TV, Chummy would be a joke, hurried off at the end, only existing to teach the main characters a lesson.  In British TV, she joins the cast and shines as one of the major characters.  So, the moral of this story is, when possible, watch British TV. 

Season 2 of “Call the Midwife” is currently airing on PBS.  The first season is available to watch instantly on Netflix.  

Why I don't Give Blood...

Hi All, this is a post I wrote about a year ago, but it is still true today.  Enjoy!

I guess the full title for this post should be: Why I don't give blood and what that has to do with dating. A few weeks ago there was a blood drive on the campus where I work. It reminded me of the last time I gave blood...

Many years ago, when I was a wee college lass, I had a crush on a guy in the Christian ministry I was involved with. Every year during the week between Christmas and New Year's the ministry would gather with students from all over California and Arizona (and occasionally Hawaii). The first year I went, this guy, we'll call him John, gave blood. I was impressed by this selfless act and took note. The next year, I still liked him, and thought I should give blood. Because once he saw how selfless I was, he'd make the connection that we should date. That's how things work, right? But here's the thing. I hated needles. Now, I'd had shots, done blood tests, etc., but it was never a fun experience for me. However, I found myself tired a lot, so assumed I was anemic. They test you for that before you give blood, so I thought I'd get in line, but be dismissed. I get all the credit for being "selfless", but don't have to deal with the needle. It's a win-win.

I gather my friends and we line up to give blood. All the while, I'm looking around for John. He of course, is nowhere to be found. One by one, we get tested, and my friends are being wiped out like a plague - they all are anemic. I'm finally tested. And guess what? I'm approved to donate blood. Curses, my plan has failed! I have to give blood and John can't witness my "selflessness".

Later that night, all the members from my campus go out to dinner. John is there. We were at some weird place where every 15 minutes the servers would do a dance routine to a song. When "Wild, Wild West" came on (see, I told you this happened a long time ago), my friend and I decided to join in with the servers. As I am mid-lasso, I begin to remember the thing they told me earlier that day about not doing a lot of physical activity. Then the darkness starts to close in. I hurry to get back to my seat to prevent my fainting. All the while, I look ridiculous, staggering to my seat. I try to explain why I'm woozy, but between the music playing so loudly and my being woozy, I don't think anyone comprehends what's going on. Except that I am strange. And that is what John witnesses. Not my "selfless" giving of life to another, but my staggering around and talking incoherently.

So, that's why I haven't given blood since then. Actually, it's not a complete no, but I will never again give blood to try to impress a boy.

Realistic Expectations: Arrested Development

We are now less than a month out from the release of the new episodes of Arrested Development.  This is the day us fans have waiting for over many years.  I had given up hope, despite the rumors that continued to fly around about a film.  Finally, the day came, when I heard the news that Netflix would be airing a new season. 

As my excitement has grown, I’ve begun to wonder if my expectations for Arrested Development can ever be met.  I mean, how many times have I looked forward to a film, only to be disappointed.  The one that stands out most clearly in my memory is The Matrix 3.  I waited in line for the midnight showing, all dressed in black, and eager for the completion of the trilogy.  A couple of hours later I emerged dejected, disappointed and despising the Wachowski brothers.  It was so bad that it made me retroactively hate the second Matrix.  Today, I just try to pretend the second and third films just don’t exist so that I can appreciate the original. 

So, my fear in Arrested Development is that after all this waiting, the new episodes can never meet my unrealistic expectations.  Or that they will be just plain bad.  Only time will tell, but in the meantime, clips like these make me eager for May 26.

Please, please, please don’t be bad!