Time for a Conference Call

I’m an occasional Twitter follower.  Meaning, at times I’ll check my feed frequently, but most of the time I forget about its very existence.  There are few things that draw me to check Twitter more than Most Interesting Pastor (hilarious poster – do yourself a favor and follow him now).  But, I happened to go on Twitter yesterday, to check in.  I came across an article speaking to a recent twitter exchange regarding gender exclusive practices in the Christian Evangelical conference world.  Looking beyond the exchange, the author researched the largest Christian conferences and tallied the breakdown of male to female speakers.  

The stats were, unsurprisingly, grim.: Total speakers: 805 / Female speakers: 159 (19%) *

While it was a disappointing reality, my first response was “why would we expect anything different?”  As a woman who has walked in church world for a while now, this has been my experience more often than not.  A very small percentage of women allowed a more prominent role within the church.  It never ceases to grieve me.  My next response was, “what is going on in the Evangelical world that makes this a reality?”  I mean, it’s not just the conferences.  It is easy to blame a conference and think adding a few women to the panel will make things cool.  The confusion of roles of women within the church continues to be an issue, which in my opinion, has been mishandled time and time again.  Our Christian speakers are just living out dynamics that are being practiced in our churches. 

This is an issue that tends to segregate and kick up explosive responses.  I recognize in myself how tender this topic can be.  I do get angry.  Some of the anger stems from a place of injustice.  Some of the anger, honestly, comes from a place of my own pride.  Often when I’ve seen the discussion come to the table, people jump to extreme, polarizing views.  I’m right and you all over there are a bunch of feminists.  No, I’m right and you are all chauvinists.  So, we either engage in the fight (which to be honest, doesn’t seem to lead anything except hurt feelings) or ignore the issue completely.  However, this tendency to avoid the issue at hand leads to confusion, fear, and deep hurts at a heart level.  Neither of these options seems to be working well. 

I wish there was an easy solution for this messy matter of women’s roles in the church.  There is not.  However, I think there is a place to enter into a conversation, to step beyond fighting and ignorance.  It undoubtedly will take time, although I think we as a church are beginning to stick our toes in the deep end of this complex issue. 

While I don’t have an answer, I do wonder what it looks like to be intentional with how we communicate with women in the church, starting from a young age, and present their callings in life:

How do we paint a broader picture for women in the church? 

How do we convey to them that they can pursue deeper studies theologically? 

Or can speak intelligently about a topic (and not solely “women’s” topics)?

Or that as co-image bearers of God, they have something worthwhile to share with others?

My heart beats fiercely to see women freed to step into more of their true identity - to step out of the narrow confines of what has been defined as "feminine behavior" (I believe femininity can be express in a myriad of ways).

I see it both as a calling to and a calling into.  We call women to more vibrant expressions of their gifts and abilities, while also providing space for them to step into practicing these very gifts in the life of the church.  It sounds so simple when reading it on the page.  Its practice and implementation will be anything but simple. 

This is not opportunity for opportunity’s sake.  This is opportunity for the sake of the gospel.  For the sake of the church.  As men and woman we uniquely reflect God (be that brokenly).  When we quiet our women, we are missing out on a fuller expression of God in the church.  I imagine what a robust church we would have if we welcomed our women to the table.  It may look different church to church, but disagreeing with one church’s interpretation does not mean that we shelve the issue completely.  

But it is a place to step courageously into a conversation. 

……….

Some interesting reads, in regards to the issue of women in the church:

http://www.estheremery.com/2013/11/14/letter-to-a-woman-called-to-leadership/

http://www.christianitytoday.com/women/2013/november/churchs-missing-half.html

*http://jonathanmerritt.religionnews.com/2013/11/13/christian-conferences-sexist-nines-controversy-prompts-reflection/

Feministly feminine?

I hate the term “feminist”.  I mean, what does that even mean?  Yes, I realize there is a definition of this

word, but I’m frustrated about the varied ways in which we use the word.  It can be praise or defamation, depending on the context.  I mean, I could be seen as a “raging femi-nazi” by one person, and then viewed as an “strong, proud woman” by another.  And the aspects that make one a “feminist” tie in to the person’s beliefs on femininity (which vary greatly, person to person). 

For this past year one of the issues I’ve had emerging clarity on is my being a strong woman.  I’ve suspected it for years, but I’ve always danced back and forth on the line of accepting this aspect of myself.  Some times I’ve responded by trying to deny it, even supporting unequal pay for women (gasp!).  And other times I’ve shouted my strong views to anyone with ears.  Lately, I’ve felt more settled in this part of myself.  I still am learning what this means, but I don’t feel the shame that I used to experience.  I also feel a deep interest in what it means to be a woman called to working in the church. 

Two interesting articles came to my attention this week, which peaked this interest of mine.  While they varied greatly, both mentioned the place of women in our theology.  The first comes from the recent (and first)interview with Pope Francis.  A.  You need to read this article.  It’s a long read, but absolutely worth it (in my humble opinion).  B. Pope Francis briefly mentions women in the church, identifying the lack of theology about women.  Now, I don’t want to read this interview with rose-colored glasses, ignoring the potentially political nature of his comments.  However, I appreciated that, at least to some extent, this is an issue he is considering.  I especially valued his comment on how women are a vital part of the church: 

Women are asking deep questions that must be addressed. The church cannot be herself without the woman and her role. The woman is essential for the church.

The other article was from Her-meunetics, one of my favorite blogs right now.  In this cleverly titled piece (The Christian “F” Word), the author explores the ideas of both men and women being seen equally in the eyes of God.  Both of these articles encouraged me.  It’s nice to feel that I’m not alone as I consider the implications of being a strong woman and how that ties into my faith.

Along my journey this year, two other written works have been immensely helpful for me.  The first is an article by Amy Simpson for the Qideas blog. In the article, Simpson took the economic principle of scarcity and competition and overlaid that onto church dynamics with women.  In scarcity, we are drawn to compete, whether it is for business, relationships or influence.  In the midst of the article, Simpson identifies the turning point for women:

So what happens when, instead, women stop focusing on scarcity, recognize their own abundance, decide to stop competing, and share? They find a kind of power they never would have otherwise: solidarity.

This is something I hope and pray for (solidarity amongst women), yet I know I so often fall prey to responding out of my scarcity.  My mom has continued to encourage me in my frustrations of scarcity, reminding me that God is the one who holds the ultimate power.  He can move barriers that humans cannot. 

The other helpful work is the book “A Year of Biblical Womanhood,” by Rachel Held Evans.  I must be honest.  I was completely skeptical of this book when it first came out.  I mean, the whole “literally living the Bible” thing has been done before.  This is old news.  However, upon the recommendation of a friend, I picked up the book.  Wow!  I loved the way Evans writes competently about her subject matter, while at the same time, learning humility along the way.  It’s a beautiful picture of wrestling through an idea with God and the book perfectly captures the experience.  I’m still chewing on the implications of this book in my life, but I actually think it was one of the things that really unlocked my freedom in femininity in a way I’ve not experienced before.

As for myself, I’ve come back to the creation account in Genesis throughout the year, specifically Genesis 1:27 (ESV): 

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Both men and women are created out of the image of God.  We each reflect different aspects of God, men and women.  If this is true, then wouldn’t we want both men and women to play a significant role in the life of the church?  This question has been what I’ve continued to return to.  We miss so much when women are excluded.  We miss so much when men are excluded.  What would it look like to welcome both?

Still Frustrated

Why can't dating be this simple?

Last month I posted on how much I hate online dating. Guess what?  I still do.  I don’t know if it’s me, but I feel frustrated with the whole process.  I get sick of reading profile after profile, each one sounding exhaustingly the same as the others.  And the site I’m on has these stupid questions:

How many times were you suspended in school?

Have you ever broken up a marriage?

Tap Dance or soft shoe?

(Note: one of these questions is made up)

But the two that annoy me the most are:

How would you respond to having a female pilot for a flight to Europe?

Are women funny?

I mean, really?  That’s just offensive.  And while most men on the site have no issues with female pilots, a bunch have answered that women are on the rare occasion as funny as men.  That fires me up!  Sure, females and males may differ as to what makes them laugh, but differing senses of humor does not mean that one gender is funnier than another.  So, whenever I see that question answered saying women are not as funny, it puts me on edge.  It’s hard for me to get past that one.  And I realize that I’m making huge judgments based on one question, but it sure doesn’t give me a hopeful glimpse of this person.  I blame the dating site on this one.  Come on eHarmony.  Leave something to the imagination. 

I also get frustrated (but nowhere near the same level of frustration) when a man refers to women as “girls”.  Now, I know that there might not be a lot of meaning behind that term, but I find it demeaning.  As a woman in her 30’s, I’m pretty sure I’ve left girlhood behind.  Or perhaps Brittany was right. “I’m not a girl…not yet a woman.”   Joking aside, a girl implies someone who still needs to grow up, while a woman implies adulthood.  Now, I’ll always have a childlike part to me and I may look young, but please don’t patronize me. If the situation was reversed I suspect it would be insulting to refer to a man as a boy, right? 

Finally, I’m reluctant to pay for membership.  Every time I’ve shelled out the cash in the past I’ve regretted it.  Paired with odd men.  Or barely matched at all.  Contacted by creepy guys my dad’s age. I’m not flush with cash, so I feel hesitant about forking over a decent sum of money. 

All this to say, rawr to you online dating!*  

*Yes, this is a negative post.  I sometimes write those.  It’s not a cry for help.  Sometimes I get frustrated.  Sometimes we all do.  For those who are engaged in the world of online dating, you get me, right? 

Turning a Corner

I turned a corner this summer.  To be honest, I didn’t think it was possible.  The year preceding it felt sad and lonely and confined.  It seemed to stretch on forever without end.  I actually don’t think I realized how hard this year was until now, as I look back upon it.  It’s funny how time can widen and deepen our view.  Over summer my friend sent me a quote from Frederick Buechner:

The only thing worse than being fed up with the world is being fed up with yourself.  I envied the pigs their slops because at least they knew what they were hungry for whereas I was starving to death and had no idea why. 

As I read through this quote again this morning, I recognize so much of my own feelings from the past year.  I was tired of being miserable, but had no idea how to get out of it.  And I was sick of myself being this way. 

I met with this same friend yesterday.  She’d been away for the summer and as we shared and caught up, we realized how this summer was a season of shifting for each of us.  Our circumstances have basically remained the same, but our outlook is so very different.  Where the future seemed bleak and limited, hope has crept in, refracting our outlooks into multiple possibilities.  I’m not quite sure how I ended up here.  I’m thrilled to feel this way, but cannot identify what has allowed this change. 

I am a pessimist.  It’s true.  Ask anyone who know me.  At times, my pessimism limits my purview.  Another friend of mine is good at pointing this out in a loving way.  When I talk about circumstances and their assured grim outcomes, she will listen, but then name other possibilities.  “Yes, Jen, you may be stuck in this place forever.  But you also might not be.  No one is forcing you to stay in this place.”  I love when she speaks these truths over me. She doesn’t do it in a sunshiney, Pollyanna, bubbly way (I don’t know if we would be such good friends if that were the case).  Her words and tone of voice convey that she hears me, but also speaks truth in a way that doesn’t limit what I’m feeling.  I need to hear this.  I need to be reminded my story doesn’t end here. 

In the midst of this furnace-y year, I feel sturdy in a new way.  I have a deeper sense of knowing who I am.  But it’s not just knowing who I am.  It’s knowing who I am and feeling peace with that.  For years I have wrestled through being a strong woman.  I’ve tried to hide or dampen that part of myself.  I don’t want to do that anymore.  I don’t feel shame over this aspect of myself.  Similarly, I have been confused about my creativity.  It has warred with the more practical areas of my personality.  And practicality has so often won.  However, I’ve recently been reminded of my creative voice.  I love my creative voice.  It is an integral part of who I am. 

I don’t know what this all means, but I do know whom it is who will be stepping into the next months of possibilities.

Me.