Dating from a Male Perspective

 

I’ve mentioned my brother here before on the blog as well as had him do some modeling for a post about

online dating profiles.  But today I’m picking his brain for thoughts on dating, from the male perspective.  First though, let’s back up a bit.  My brother is 8 years younger than me (though you’d never know now).  He didn’t really date in high school and in general was somewhat shy around girls.  However, in the last few years I’ve seen him really step out and start dating more.  As I’ve witnessed his process I’m continually impressed with his straightforward and honorable behavior.  In fact, as I’ve gone on my own dates, I’ve often found myself wishing that my brother could teach seminars to men on dating.  Come on 30-year old dude, my brother is light years ahead of you.  So, I decided to pick his brain on his process in dating.

What was the turning point in your beginning to ask out women?

I realized that women are no different than men.  I mean, they’re different, but not a great mystery.  I started to treat them the same.  There’s a big myth that women are something crazy and you have to put up a big front and have big muscles.  But actually, they’ll respect you if you be yourself.

You just started asking women out.  Talk about that.

I figured screw it – what have I got to lose.  I stopped caring.  What’s the worst that can happen?

How did you learn how to ask out women?

I had two approaches.  With the first I would talk to a woman for a few minutes and then ask her out.  In the second approach I’d just walk up and ask for her number.  (Side note: my brother has absolutely done this before.  He ended up dating a girl he’d met that way at House of Blues.  She was shy so we nicknamed her “Shy Ronnie”).  I have the blunt and the tender approach.  I think they worked, because I didn’t learn how to do it.  I just did it. 

I’ve noticed that you’re really great at communicating in dating.  What do you see the role of communication as in dating?

I don’t like there to be any gray area and it to be unclear whether or not it is a date.  I always say specifically “would you like to go out on a date”.  I go to coffee with friends, that doesn’t mean I’m dating them.  I make it know from step one that I want to ask you out.

What has contributed to your valuing that level of communication?  (Side note: my questions weren’t great for this interview, but I’m really proud of this one.  It actually sounds like I know what I’m talk about.)

Communication is what’ important.  Alex (Andrew’s lovely girlfriend) and I communicate about everything.  When we have an issue we make it known.  I dated a lot of girls before Alex and there just wasn’t that level of communication.

What should women hold out for in dating relationships?

Go on dates with other guys, but if you see any issues, bring it up.  A red flag today is a red flag tomorrow.  Especially if it’s against your core values.  Break it off. 

Also, be treated with respect.  And he should pay for stuff!  I hate when guys don’t pay for stuff.  You should pay for at least 90% of stuff.  If he’s not paying for stuff upfront, then you should dump him. 

Thanks Andrew for letting me pick your brain.  You’re awesome!

First Date

This is a post from a couple of years ago (although I’ve expanded it for this post). I’m reminded of it as a couple of friends are going on first dates…

I have a friend going on a first date this Friday. It's been fun walking through this process with her, evaluating her date's comments, witnessing the anxiety. And of course, the best part, picking an outfit to wear. It's so much more relaxing when you're not the datee. I can sit back, relax and express my inner fashion guru. "Wedge heels are a must!" "And you should tie something in your hair." However, the big question was, where he was going to take her. Tonight our question was answered, a gastro pub. We both agreed it was a good choice. Casual, but fun. Comfort food and a good beer selection. What more could a girl ask for? As a side note, my friend mentioned she was glad he didn't ask her to Red Lobster. Well, that got me thinking about the worst restaurants for first dates. Here's the list we started, with a few additional gems:

-Red Lobster: I don’t remember why this was on the list, but as I’m not a fan of fish it’s definitely a no-go.

-McDonalds: And pretty much any other fast food place, except In-N-Out. I'd let them cater my wedding. 

-Hometown Buffet: What, is your date 70?  Are you eating dinner at 4pm?  As a rule, I’m anti-buffet when it comes to restaurants.  Not just for first dates, but for any eating experience.  I’ve been disappointed way too many times. 

-Norms: I went to eat there once, but saw a rat run out of the kitchen as I was parking my car.  So, unless you’re into rat burgers, don’t go there.

-Sizzler: Funny thing.  When I was a kid I loved Sizzler.  I went there for numerous birthday dinners, where I would eat plateful after plateful of nachos and finish them off with a soft serve sundae.  Now the thought of the restaurant nauseates me. 

-Long John Silver: Fast food fish definitely deserves its own mention. 

-Medieval Times: Unless you both are into Renaissance Faires.  Then, this gets a pass.  Otherwise, I’m pretty sure no woman wants to cheer for fast food knights while eating greasy chicken with her hands. 

-The Waffle House (for my friends in the South): Any place that has jokes about it referencing your server not having teeth while smoking, is probably not the most romantic spot out there. 

-Hooters: Do I really have to explain this one?

-Chuck E. Cheese: If he also has a 1970’s era van and a mustache it might be time to call the authorities.

And possibly the winner:

-Costco food court (or too cheap and goes just for the samples inside): I don't know if this has ever happened, but man, wouldn't that be a great story?  And this is nothing against the Costco food court.  In fact, I’m a fan of the place…in its proper context. 

Best Ironic location:

-Ikea: Ok, so Ikea meatballs may be made of horses, but after seeing 500 Days of Summer it’s become oddly cute and original for a first date (in my mind).  Who doesn’t want to freely run through the Ikea showroom whilst simultaneously creeping out families?